Discouragement and stuff....

Ugly word.

But this has been my unpleasant reality lately.

I have never been one to struggle with this, but things haven't exactly been easy the past few months.  That sounds so fickle.  Like I can only be happy when things are going my way.  My sinful person wants to just drift easily through life, but then the other part of me knows that without struggle and pain, I would end up being a blah, milk greedy, luke warm Christian.  I want to go through the fire, and come out like gold.  But, the fire.  I hate it so much.  It's a war raging within right now.  I feel so battered, one thing after another keeps knocking me down and kicking me while I'm laying there.

But out of all that, I am beginning to see something beautiful emerge.  Like a tiny flower, I see a deep deep love for the simple things in life that I have been given.  I am learning to lay down myself, and look to God for everything.  EVERYTHING.  True trust, not the kind that you talk about in passing, you know, the "Oh, I'm just trusting God everything will work out...." kind.  I'm talking about the kind that is falling on your knees and crying out to Him with everything you have, and surrendering it all to Him, kind.  Not once, but time and time again.  Clinging to His promise that He will never leave or forsake.

I have been reading through the Bible, trying to find comfort, encouragement, and assurance.  I have read Psalms 37 the past couple of days, and it has been like a cool drink of water on a hot day, exactly what I need.  The caption above the chapter says "Rest in the Lord" in my Bible.

Psalm 37:24 "Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand."

Psalm 27:39 and 40  "But the salvation of the righteous is of the Lord: He is their strength in time of trouble. And the Lord shall help them and deliver them: He shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in Him."

My children have been an amazing blessing to me throughout this struggle.  I have felt like I was at the end, and I just wanted to go find a dark hole and hide there until the storm passes.  But then my children will just surround me with their love and faith, and I will find myself smiling again.  They've shown me how to open my eyes to find overwhelming joy in the simplest things.  I'm so thankful for them.

This song was on Pandora today while I was ironing, and it really kind of expressed how I am feeling...

Hungry by Joy Williams

Hungry, I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry

Chorus:
So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart 
Is living for

Broken, I run to You 
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know
Your touch restores my life

Chorus

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart 
Is living for

Hungry, I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry